On Riparian Fury Deficits

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The Southfury is the longest river in Kalimdor, and only one river surpasses it in length in all of Azeroth. It starts beneath the high plateau of Winterspring, fed in large part by meltwater as the massive drifts of snow native to that region fall through sheltered cave networks or roll down to lower altitudes. It marks the border between Azshara and Ashenvale, and over many thousands of years it has cut a deep, wooded gully to run through. If you have the misfortune of being clumsy and falling in to the Southfury close to its source, you have a very long swim ahead of you before you can climb out again.

I wouldn’t know anything about that, of course.

Well, that’s all very interesting. Let’s talk about the name, shall we?

First of all, the Southfury is entirely contained within northern Kalimdor; it ends in Rachet Bay, comfortably close to the continent’s centre of gravity. I suppose it does flow south, but I’m still irritated by this.

Second of all, there’s the fury aspect of it. You can tell it was named by orcs. I like to picture an orcish surveyor, bespectacled, calmly drawing topographical contours and marking the course of waterways, when all of a sudden the demon blood starts acting up. RAGE RIDGE OF RAGING FIERY RAGE, he scrawls across a gentle, grassy incline. FURIOUS FISSURE OF A THOUSAND SPIKED HORNS OF FURY; what Tauren would probably call “Nappin’ Pond”. The Orcish Surveyor blinks several times, his braids and beard all sticking out at funny angles, his glasses on vertically, a bit of drool on his doublet. Shaking his head, he goes back to tracing the contours of the Southern Azshara Reach, and Kalimdor is all the more interesting for his episode.

So, we have Southfury River, one of the gentlest little wading pools you’ll ever come across. For much of its length you can really wade it, cooling your hindquarters nicely without having to exert yourself. Of course, some people take this as an invitation to relax completely, if you catch my drift, which is extremely anti-social since the Southfury is Durotar’s main source of drinking water. A minor punishment in the Orgrimmar guard is to be assigned to the Piss Patrol, a bunch of grumpy orcs who walk upstream into the Ashenvale riparian and thump anyone on the head who’s standing waist-deep in the water and looking dreamily satisfied.

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You can reach the Southfury by taking the western gate out of Orgrimmar, the water is right below you under the covered bridge. Turn north and you’ll rapidly find yourself enclosed in Ashenvale fog and often light rain; cool mossy verges and tall pines await your bum. Turn south and you entire the hot, crisp sunniness of the Barrens and Durotar, where stands of palm trees are spaced just widely enough to refresh the hardy traveller. The further south you go, the shallower the water and the slower the current; additionally, there are fewer reeds, so the fish tend to be thinned out but much hungrier.

You do, however, have to compete for fish with the crocolisks. What the Orcish Southfury lacks in, well, fury, it makes up for in teeth. As you approach Signal Fire Mountain and Rachet Bay, the lizards become a positive discouragement to wading, and if you’re going to cross I advise you to do so at the bridge.

Unless, of course, like me, you have a solution.

TOTEM WADERS. Tie them on before you go trout fishing. If a crocolisk takes an interest in your bits, just let one rip and set it on fire.

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Seriously, these are going to be huge.

Next: Lumber Party! »

This entry was posted on Thursday, June 10th, 2010 at 10:50 am and is filed under Kalimdor, Travels. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

8 Responses to “On Riparian Fury Deficits”

  1. Faeldray Says:

    You, fine sir, deserve a medal for having the most interesting and hilarious take on things. I very much look forward to each new post.

  2. Anea Says:

    Hm… I never really thought about the Southfury River and it’s name before. (I also had no idea it started up in Winterspring, although this clearly makes sense.)

    (The bit about the surveyor was quite hilarious.)

    Good luck with Totem Waders! I bet they’ll be a big success.

  3. Tenthunders Says:

    You are both very kind!

  4. The Frozen Gnome » Blog Archive » Sunday Morning Funnies: Lover, not a fighter Says:

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  5. Sunday Morning Funnies: Lover, not a fighter « Wow « Best Mmorpgs Blog Says:

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  7. Coffinshaker Says:

    Man, you paint quite the picture! Love the description of the orc surveyor! >D

  8. Ringo Flinthammer Says:

    Hilarious stuff. The totem waders blew my mind.

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