Razorfun in Razorfen

I feel a certain sympathy for razorbacks. If you’re a Tauren, you know the frustration and embarrassment of bearing a resemblance to a barnyard animal. When you see us meditating under a waterfall or burning off some energy in the drumming circle, it’s partially so that we will have the calm heart and compassionate mind not to throttle the next person who comes up to us while we’re weaving a nice basket and starts mooing in our face.

I’m not even sure why people moo at cattle, let alone Tauren. Cows already know how to moo. They do it better than you ever will. They’re not impressed by that shit. Think of all the things that you can do better than livestock; why would you want to compete with them on their home ground?

But the razorbacks, to my knowledge, don’t even get that much attention from people. No one goes up to a razorback and starts oinking to try to provoke them. Like the humble murloc, they are so numerous, widespread and angry that travellers through their territory soon get used to stepping on them and then scraping the remains off of their boots and/or hooves at end of day. After a while you don’t notice they’re there. I suspect that they are so hostile to passers-by simply because they are desperate for attention. Why else would they wander back and forth in the middle of nowhere, looking surly? Their mothers do not love them, and they are hoping you will.

It is unfair, however tempting, to view razorbacks as nothing more than walking cutlets. They are also inexperienced merchants and thus make fantastic suckers. I once picked a peck of wild steelbloom that was growing next to a razorback shaman’s hut, and then sold it to him at two gold a stem. We are not talking about razor-sharp intellects, here.

If you would like to get in on the action, there’s a fine flea market every Gromsday in Razorfen, just before the turning to the Great Lift and Thousand Needles. You will need a disguise, as I will illustrate in the next issue, but fortunately it is not difficult to acquire one; if you dress all in black and cover your face you will be able to convince most razorbacks that you are not there, by telling them so. Strangely, while they are willing to accept this for the purposes of not stabbing you, they’re still willing to haggle with what is presumably in their mind a walking patch of somebody else’s business.

So I feel fond of them, despite their lack of any obvious virtue. I propose we give them Special Membership in the Horde and start selling them travel packages to Alterac Valley.

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This entry was posted on Monday, January 4th, 2010 at 2:12 pm and is filed under Kalimdor, Travels. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

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